Crucial Conversations
Tools for talking when stakes are high
Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler
Every so often a book comes along that makes you want to phone up all your friends and say 'You've got to buy this - it's brilliant.' Crucial Conversations does that - and more.
Think about it. Conversation is at the heart of everything we do in life - whether it be in business, or personal relationships.
There is almost nothing we do that doesn't involve conversation - and the outcome can be critical as to how your life unfolds.
How often have you set out to have an important conversation with a client, or a business partner, or a member of staff - or your spouse - only for the whole thing to go horribly wrong? If you're anything like me, chances are it's pretty often.
But it doesn't have to be that way. The trouble with crucial conversations is that all too often the parties concerned simply react, rather than thinking about the outcome they really want, which is usually more constructive.
Where things start to go wrong is that once someone feels under threat, their immediate physical reaction is the classic 'fight or flight' syndrome. Adrenalin is pumped into the bloodstream, the muscles get pumped up - and, critically, blood flows away from the parts of the brain that control our rational thoughts.
As the authors put it, at this stage we've got about the same reasoning powers as a rhesus monkey. Hardly surprising, then, that in this situation, conversations can start to go horribly wrong.
People become either defensive or aggressive; they fall into a pointed silence, or they hit back by saying something at best unconstructive, at worst plain hurtful.
The authors have spent 25 years researching our ability to conduct crucial conversations, interviewing some 20,000 people in the process, and sitting in on critical business meetings to observe how people react.
The results have been condensed into this ground-breaking and immensely readable book. Each page is a revelation, a journey through your life, your mind, your soul. It makes you think hard about how things could have worked out in the past - but more importantly about how life can be lived for the better in future.
You learn not to react, but to listen; to take yourself out of the fight/flight loop, and consciously engage in conversation that will help to reassure those who are being defensive.
You are then in a position to move forward and suggest constructive ideas - there is always another option beyond the 'either you do this, or...' syndrome.
Many books claim to be life-changing. This one truly is.
Richard Reed
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£9.99
McGraw-Hill
ISBN: 0071401946
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Thirty minutes to deal with difficult people
Cary Cooper and Valerie Sutherland
A fast read, this practical guide looks at how to manage the three main types of difficult people: the abrasive, the stress-prone and the aggressive personality. It doesn't pull its punches because it also looks at how you might be making things worse.
Each section starts off with a quick questionnaire that helps you identify where you yourself lie on the scale of difficult people. And whomever you are dealing with, this book is full of expert advice on handling awkward situations tactfully.
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£3.00
Kogan Page
ISBN: 0749425245
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Effective coaching
Myles Downey
If you employ people, the secret is to develop their skills, their attitudes and their focus. The key to this is to coach them effectively. So how would you like the all tools you need to get more from your employees handed to you on a plate?
This book does just that. It helps you:
- Understand what coaching is and how it fits in with your role as a manager;
- Get to grips with how people learn and perform at their best;
- Understand and know how to use essential models and tools;
- Gain insight into asking good questions, giving feedback and making suggestions.
What's more, it shows how coaching is not reliant on you, the coach, being an expert, and how you can improve someone's performance without offering a single technical instruction or suggestion.
Early on in the book, for example, the author gives an example of how a coach improved someone's ability to catch a ball. The simple example opens your eyes to possibilities. It is so exciting because it reveals how anyone could help someone improve their skills, and all with no technical expertise whatsoever.
The book also shows how, with gentle questions, a coach can reveal knowledge that is already there, and then hone it. Thus the trainee is empowered without leaving them feeling that they are inferior, or that the coach is superior to them in any way.
This is a most empowering book and a must for anyone who wants to get more from their staff.
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£10.99
Orion Business Books
ISBN: 1587991721 |
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Train your people and whack the competition
Norrie Gilliland
Research at Harvard has revealed that the 3% of people who had written down goals had become worth more financially than the other 97% put together!
The book starts by helping you see where you are going and how to involve your staff in developing that vision. It looks at how to plan your route to success, recruit the right people and motivate them, develop great managers, and manage change and innovation. It's a very inspiring book that will make you want to go out and put the ideas into practice.
Another premise of this excellent book is that we can't afford not to become learning organisations, even if we are a one or two man band. We all make mistakes every day - it's human. But what if a little mistake is repeated time and time again through ignorance? In one foundry, for example, this almost brought the company to its knees. Moreover, if the 90s have been anything, they have been a decade where customer service has begun to be reflected on the bottom line.
An easy read, the book is filled with examples, checklists, model documents and detailed case studies that help bring the advice to life.
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£25.00
Gower
ISBN: 0566078449
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Hiring People
Steve Kneeland
Probably the main keys to ultimate success is hiring the right people. But few of us have much idea how to do it successfully. How do you whittle out the dross from the stack of CVs, and then, from just a half-hour interview, identify the best person for you?
It's not only a question of technical skills or experience - they have to fit into your team. How do you find out whether candidates have the necessary drive? Whether they have can handle obstacles? Whether they will antagonise the rest of your team in the process?
This book is written with one specific goal in mind - to enable you to hire the right person who will move into their job and deliver outstanding performance fast. It gives a clear strategy for the interview process, a set of practical tools to use and a framework within which to assess what various candidates have to offer. Hence it should be required reading for anyone hiring staff, the night before the interviews.
Kneeland helps you identify the winner's profile, from their intelligence, skills and initiative to whether they can deal with people, as well as the level of their drive, enthusiasm and resilience. He then helps you assess the candidates on paper, and find out more about the six key areas of the candidates' lives. These are: education, work history, career goals and aspirations, their view of the job in hand, their personal life and hobbies, and their strengths and weaknesses. Finally he offers various interview techniques to dig for behavioural 'gold' - how to lead in, when to stop and dig, and how to probe.
Recruitment is time-consuming and expensive, and you'll be stuck with your choice. So it pays to get it right. This book will give you great insight and practical help to find the right people to build your success.
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£5.00
Essentials
ISBN: 1857035151
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The Magic of Metaphor
Nick Owen
This is one of those books that surface from time to time that is a real revelation. Not written as a conventional book at all, it consists of a collection of 77 stories or parables aimed at making us look deep within ourselves to find the answers we need, both in business and in life.
Many are adaptations of stories which go back to ancient Sufi, Taoist and Oriental traditions; others have more recent origins such as Ghandi, or the best-selling allegorical writer Paolo Coelho.
The Magic of Metaphor is one of the most richly rewarding books I have read in a very long time - in fact, probably since reading Coelho's The Alchemist. Every page you turn brings a new revelation, a new insight, a new understanding, in a simple and beautiful way. Images come tumbling out, and with them truths about ourselves: who we are, what we are, and most importantly, how the tools we need for life are to be found within each and every one of us - if we but look for them.
It is a celebration of spirit over mind, intuition over analysis and creativity over science. As Einstein himself said, quoted in the preface: 'The rational mind is a faithful servant; the intuitive mind a sacred gift. The paradox of modern life is that we have begun to worship the servant and defile the Divine.'
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£16.99
Crown House
ISBN: 1899836705
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Warriors, Settlers and Nomads
Terence Watts
Are you a warrior, a settler or a nomad? Odd question, you might think, but one which could have a dramatic impact on the way you see yourself.
Author Terence Watts has come up with the revolutionary concept that we have all inherited basic character types from our primeval ancestors.
And he believes that by learning to understand these stereotypes, their skills, their strengths and their flaws, we can come to a better understanding of ourselves.
When you think about human evolution, and how we progressed from hunter-gatherers (nomads) to farmers (settlers) to empire builders (warriors), the whole thing seems strikingly obvious.
Watts argues that the evolutionary forces that produced those three archetypes were so powerful that we retain their characteristics to this day.
And that in the world of work, those stereotypes fit remarkably well with the different skills required to make a business function, if only we would learn to recognise those skills and weaknesses. Do you recognise yourself or a colleague in one of these?
The Warrior needs to be in control. Besides an aggressive edge, they also possess the ability to make decisions rapidly and effectively under pressure, and to think very logically. Settlers possess reserves of perhaps that greatest human characteristic, adaptability. They are excellent communicators and planners, and tend to have a cheerful and optimistic outlook. Nomads have an aversion to responsibility, and need change, drama and excitement in life. They are often charismatic characters, who like to create an impression.
Of course, few of us fit solely into one of these categories, but this book really does make you think about the forces that drive you. Watts has arrived at a theory that explains human behaviour better than almost any other I have read.
Richard Reed
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£14.99
Crown House
ISBN: 1899836489
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